


Just a Man

by mehacdesai



Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms, Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Other, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:42:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25896139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mehacdesai/pseuds/mehacdesai
Summary: Jamie mourns the death of Murtagh!
Relationships: Claire Beauchamp/Jamie Fraser, Jamie Fraser & Murtagh Fraser
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31





	Just a Man

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!

I remember once I said to Brianna that James Fraser was a man, and that was not a small thing to be. 

Indeed, James Fraser, my husband was just a man, and currently a man who was absolutely shattered. 

The moment he brought Murtagh onto the table, I knew that he was dead. And I was sure that my face already communicated the same to Jamie and Brianna as well. How typical of me! I could never mask my emotions like Jamie could. And god, I was mad at myself for that. In that one moment, a fraction of a second, I could see Jamie’s heart break, I saw a flicker of emotion in his eyes, it was as if a little boy was told that his father is gone. Within that moment, I felt all hope and a little bit of innocence, at least what was left of after years, gone away from my husband’s character! He looked at me as if I was a magician, he actually hoped that I would do some kind of magic and Murtagh would wake up and curse him for being a sobby little boy! Oh Jamie! And to my utter shock, he told me, “But you are a doctor, Sassanach!” And I could only say, “I am so sorry, Jamie!” And after that, few of my words were left unsaid. Indeed, I was only a doctor, a surgeon and not the Almighty God. 

For me, I was shook, but part of me was somehow ready for this. I anticipated it when Jamie told me Murtagh’s decision to fight. I saw it in Murtagh’s eyes when we last met him. He believed in the cause, truly and deeply so as to die for it. Just as he was determined at the time of Culloden. Of course, past years I have had enough practice on dead and injured bodies, so my initial shock was not because of physical appearance. I was shocked because Murtagh was a dear friend. Before I could ponder upon my thoughts, or react any further, Jamie scoffed and left the tent in a hurry, almost as if running away from reality. I ignored Brianna, and never knew when she was gone. I was just grieving alone for my dear friend, I looked at him peacefully, and then kissed his forehead. As my tears ran away freely, I stitched his wound, just for closure and my mental peace and I took the piece of Tartan and the pin from his pocket, and kept it with me. Jamie would need it later, when he will move on from this grief...if ever. 

I could not realize when, but Jamie came back later in the tent, and this time he was angrier, and maybe a little lost. I noticed that he was not wearing the red coat, and I felt relieved. I knew how much Jamie hated that coat and undeniably, it was most difficult for him to wear him for the battle. He came in a hurry, looked at me for a second and then his eyes fixed on the table where Murtagh was sleeping forever. I thought he would remove the cloth and would have a look at his Godfather, but he did not even move. He was blank, and I believe, still expected me to do something, and get Murtagh up. I finally said, “Jamie!” 

Suddenly, he was breathless. He moved blindly from here to there and absolutely, making no sense whatsoever. I immediately went to him, and held him from the shoulder, looked in his blue eyes, and said, “Jamie...he is gone! He is not coming back.” 

And then he slumped his shoulders, it was nothing as if he did not know. It was just confirmation, eye to eye, me to him, anchoring him back. I think in that one moment, our eyes communicated more than the words itself could. He drew back a little, and then sat down on the floor, crying wordlessly. Despite me being small in comparison to his broad body structure, I tried to cover his entire body into my small arms. He did not fight or pushed me away, rather he surrendered. 

Before I could comfort him further, Brianna came in running and broke the news about Roger. And in one swift motion, he wiped his tears, cleared his face from all the emotions, and became a man that he was! He immediately comforted Brianna and took her away from me and informed his men that they would search for Roger and led the way. Not for a single moment, he faltered. It surely did not look like his Godfather, friend, guide was gone from his life, just a few moments ago! I was in awe. How easy he made it look. Jamie Fraser, indeed was a man, just an incredible man and I was sure...it was the hardest and definitely not the small thing to be!

During our search for Roger, I kept checking up on Jamie. He truly was a leader, in spite of being tormented himself, he managed excellently well. I could not speak to him much during our journey, because Brianna was worried and restless, panicked and as much as my husband needed me, my daughter needed me as well and I was torn between the two. Of course, Jamie made it look as if he was absolutely fine, and I understood that he needed to at least act fine, as a leader, as a father and as a man. 

Later when chaos settled in, I checked Roger and mended his wounds, I came to our bedroom. Jamie was sitting on a chair, and writing a letter. Pressing his wounded hand, and the finger which I could not completely heal after Wentworth horror. Time to time, that finger would give Jamie pain, and not just physical pain, mental as well. I went ahead, and rested my hand on his broken one. He looked at me, “Need to send letter to Aunt Jocasta” 

I nodded, and he finished quickly, and got up and went away, probably, to give the letter to maybe Ian or Fergus to deliver as soon as they can. When he came back, he changed his clothes, made himself a glass of whiskey from his stash and sat gingerly on the bed. I sat beside him and held his hand and dared to ask, “Are you okay?” 

He wanted to say yes immediately as I could tell from his body language, but then he stopped and sighed, “No, Sassenach, I am not!” He tightened his grip on me. 

“I released him from the oath, I shouldna have, Claire!” he spoke further. I knew he was not okay with it, but eventually, he would find peace with it. Of all the people in the word, he knew Murtagh better. We both knew that it was just a momentary regret.

“But he never did, Jamie!” I said quietly. “Above all, he was loyal to you & the promise he made to your mother, he honored that and so should you!” I added. 

He did not say anything, rather held my hands even tighter. He wanted to speak but his voice was choked, by emotions so he stopped and instead remained silent. 

“Jamie...Murtagh died doing what he truly believed in. You could have done nothing, Jamie. And you must know that, if you could have done anything to reverse it, you would have! You did your best. Do not, for a second, doubt that!”

He nodded. And once again, shedding tears quietly, steadily. “Oh, Claire! What am I to do?” he moaned. I just held him strongly and then he broke down completely. 

I could have said a lot many things to make him feel better, but I chose to remain silent, and held him, shared his pain, in any way I could. 

After all, he was just a man, what else could he do! 

After what felt like ages, we lied down on the bed, in the warmth, holding each other tightly. Neither of us could sleep, however tired we were! I knew it would take months for Jamie to move on, or to think of Murtagh and not feeling pain in the heart. He would not heal quickly after this loss, he was absolutely heartbroken, no matter how strong he had to be for everyone else around. After all, he was just being a man, being there for everyone! But I had to say one thing to him, and I said, “He is at peace, Jamie!” 

“Hope so, that bloody swine!” he smiled, tearfully.


End file.
